The Thirty Universal Truths
1. Mud is messy
3. Dust is little
2. The Earth owes you air
4. It's okay to torture innocent chefs
5. Mesopotamians didn't have this wooden wheel:
6. Shit is like mud
7. Some bats are bumblebee bats
8. Bubbles pop
(The only two word truth in the English language)
9. A good disguise can hide your identity
10. Random mating is good for debunking sex myths
11. Some people are allergic to nuts
12. Bathroom breaks are CRUCIAL
13. Black peppa and salt are a pair
14. Even monkeys fall out of trees.
15. Tidying is different than cleaning
16. April is the foolest month
17. It's hard to take britches off bare hips
18. Put a beggar on horseback and he'll go on a gallop.
19. Lobster chefs know about shells and claws
20. Dog chefs cook dogs
21. A turkey never voted for an early Christmas
22. A person never voted for an early Christmas
23. You can't vote for an early Christmas
24. Christmas is never early or late
25. Christmas is December 25th.
26. Threatening someone sexually is a horrible act
27. Joe Gatto has checked into a rehab.*
28. Even the world’s tiniest cup can hold an object.
29. Droplets are the dust of water
30. To the humans of vacation: Congratulations!
* This will be considered true unless it becomes revealed that the entire debacle was a punishment or prank for a new a season of the show.